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ADD ME [05 Sep 2004|10:52pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

new journal: _crucifix
5 comments|post comment

i am a complete idiot. i should have just went outside [01 Sep 2004|07:24am]
first off, I would like to state that I am at home while you all are at school. mwhahah.

i lost 5 pounds this week. cool. too bad i'm still fat & my dad likes to remind me of it.

two days ago was really good. yesterday was ok. today should be great once i finally get out of the house.
i'm seeing juliette and the licks tonight with jace & danny, i think?

my room smells like bathroom deodorizer. ew.

and my school locker has the word "PENIS" written in large letters on the inside door. hehe =D
4 comments|post comment

im sick of slamdancers that can only twostep [20 Aug 2004|07:20pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I saw HOODS with my mom tonight & I got bball shorts.
'cause I'm a balla. WHAT WHAT?!
4 comments|post comment

i feel like a dork because this is the funniest thing ever. [19 Aug 2004|11:08am]
so my cousin's are working here at the office..
and i'm in the kitchen getting coffee while my two cousins (11+8) are in the other room getting instructions on what to do.
and i hear..

adam: but what do we do with these phone numbers?

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it made me feel bad ughhh so i went home [12 Aug 2004|12:42am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I didn't drink tonight.
3 comments|post comment

but don't we all ? [10 Aug 2004|01:28pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I want to fall in love & be loved in return
5 comments|post comment

satanbeatupjesus: i told her i was in mexico last night and she didnt care [06 Aug 2004|05:43pm]
[ mood | hot ]

it feels so good to be home
2 comments|post comment

i need advice so please feel free to give it throughout this journal.. [26 Jul 2004|01:14pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

things are so confusing lately. i don't know who i want to be or what i want in life.
i tried changing me.. being a new person with a new outlook on life. i did a little of it slowly & then i rushed into the rest.
i changed my ideas on mostly everything. i stopped talking as much & keeping my opinions to myself. i started drinking frequently. had more fun. made some decisions about smoking & guys. cared more about what i look like. i acted nice to everyone & apologized for things instead of causing arguments. make more jokes & laugh more often. smiled. got along well with my family.
just totally different from the uptight little girl i used to be.
ya know? i used to bitch about everything. talk all the time. the notorious girl everyone loved to hate. did everything with siobhan. drama of all drama. looked like shit everyday. could never just go with the flow. cried a lot.

and i don't understand. the first one, the changes, just seems so much happier.. that just being more relaxed is better. right? but even though i'm better with myself i'm not better with anything else. i've lost all the friends i used to have.
i miss them so much ..like i trurely loved them.
but i was mean to them & it took me so long to realize my mistakes. i was bossy & loud & horrible to them & above all the biggest hypocrite ever. and they took up with me for years. i owe them so much. but now they are gone.. i'm gone too.. and things will never be the same.
and it's not like i am helping anything. i'm going to simi to move away from them. isn't that selfish? through all the changes i have tried to make to better myself i still go back to some old habits.. running away from my problems. covering it up with something else. but the truth is i am going to simi not to get away from the drama & the people hating me.. but to get away from the 3 people that have killed me.. the same 3 people that made me such a strong person.
they got rid of me before i got rid of them.. started to have little sleepovers and barbeques and get togethers without me..
i tried to make things better. i invited them places. but they don't want me anymore.
and there is nothing i can do about it. except run away.

which brings me back..
i'm not only running away from the people i love but from the person i used to be.

and i don't know which one is better.
the horrible girl with friends
or the good person all alone.
2 comments|post comment

the rapture cd is good [25 Jul 2004|02:40pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

Angenbright: i need to tell you that we can't be more than friends. i've thought it through and it's just not right

I guess that's all that's gonna be with me & Eric.
he shouldn't have lead me on.
at least there is no more confusion.

Kelsie is over & we're gonna watch a movie.
24 Hour Party People.
k cya.
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bag it [19 Jul 2004|10:19pm]
[ mood | good ]


this feeling is amazing.
4 comments|post comment

this bed is much too big without me and you [19 Jul 2004|02:44pm]
[ mood | bored ]

work is boring.
i've only been here 1.5 hours & i am already bored out of my mind.
but i love sugar ray ♥ & diet peach snapple.
and i'm seeing gravy train.
that's all i think about.. gravy train on thursday!!
shit i'm so excited.

oh yeah, i have the best mom in the entire world.
in the car she is all telling me who i should date.
and she talks to me like i'm not a virgin.
i'm very lucky to have her.

and.... GRAVY TRAIN ON THURSDAY!!!! omggggggggggg.
2 comments|post comment

DK DONKEY KONG (dk crew) [17 Jul 2004|02:46pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Supposedly if you have ever hung out with me, you are not attractive in any way & you will never have a boyfriend..
this group of people is the DK CREW.
I didn't know there was one until today..
but supposedly there is & i wasn't aware of it? hahaha
but I just called Brandon & me & him are chill.. but the DK crew ain't hahaha man this is cool.

14 comments|post comment

i swear it seems so clean [15 Jul 2004|11:05pm]
New journal. I think I'm gonna make it half friends only half public.
If I haven't already added you just comment & I'll consider adding you back..

but this journal is definately going to be more cheerful than my last.
Maybe that's why I got this one.

Time to forget the shit in my life.
Time to smile.
3 comments|post comment

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